Come Back to Me
by moontear-Vash's Girl
Summary: Post TROS Spoilers! He's all she ever wanted.
1. Why?

_**Author's Notes… **_

Hello, everyone! I actually wanted to get this story going much earlier, but right after I watched the movie Thursday night, I was on a road trip down to the parents' and in-laws this weekend, and I wasn't near a computer until I got home last night. So I typed up everything I had from paper, and I'm ready to post now that I'm rested! Whoo!

Yeah… I have to write my own head-canon. Don't get me wrong, I really loved the movie, but… I mean, I need more. That's why we're here, right? Right!

For those who are inquiring as to where the last part of _Bond _is, I swear I'm nearly done with it. It's just an immense amount of pressure because of how far we've come in it. I want to do it right and not rush it.

Here we go!

* * *

_**Come Back to Me**_

**Chapter One**

Why?

Rey stared at the tall, albeit slumped figure in front of her and considered her options for a final time. She didn't have many of them. In fact, increasingly of late, it felt like she had absolutely zero. That was why she had come here, to the Outer Rim and the planet of Erabu, to see her friend, instead of staying far, far away, which would be the most advisable thing to do. But desperate people did desperate things. She had learned that the hard way, time and again.

"If you would just look at me…" Rey knelt before the current source of her anxiety—the constant source. She couldn't remember when he hadn't been. But, to be fair, she also couldn't remember _never _being riddled by anxiety in the whole of her life. Thus was the burden of being sold by your parents at a young age to Unkar Plutt to escape the fate of being a Palpatine and the subsequent chain of events…

Would it have been better, not to know? To remain on Jakku, oblivious to her destiny? The idea plagued her more and more often. She would never have helped saved the galaxy. She would never have met all the people she had come to know and love. But the _pain _and the _burdens_… especially the one on her shoulders right now, the heaviest yet…

"Please," she whispered.

As always, she was met with silence.

Rey sighed and stood.

BB-8 chirped in response to her distress, reminding her of their appointment.

"All right," she told the droid in resignation. "I'm coming."

It was time to face the music.

* * *

She had never truly grasped that expression until now, standing with the sun beating down on her as she squinted in it while she allowed her friend to berate her without much interruption. He had a lot to get off his chest, and she needed his help. Pissing him off even more would further diminish those chances.

"I _understood _when the shock wore off, and the depression was crushing you!" Finn had grease smeared on his cheek. So far as Rey could ascertain, Poe was likely nearby, as it seemed the two were working on some sort of vessel together. She would have been more curious if she wasn't so worried about the "cargo" in her cockpit.

Sweat beaded her forehead, made tendrils of her hair cling to her neck and the sides of her face.

She truly detested desert planets.

"I _understood _when you told all of us you needed space so you could—compartmentalize!" Finn paused for breath, squinting. "Was that the word you used?"

Rey nodded. "Yes, I think so." It had been ages ago. "But, Finn—"

The stormtrooper-turned-soldier wasn't interested in hearing the rest. "You abandoned us!" he shouted. "To go who-knows-where! And all I got was the message!" Here, his voice dropped into a rather impressive imitation of her accent, "—'I'm going on a journey, Finn. I have to do it alone. It's too dangerous for you to follow. But don't worry about me. I'll be fine.'"

Rey bit her lip. She tried not to glance behind her at the _Falcon_. Her hand gripped the strap to her quarterstaff in an effort not to fidget.

Her friend stared at her expectantly. When no answer was forthcoming, his brows flew up, and he exploded with, "Don't _worry_?! Do you know me _at all_?! And how many times are you going to go off on your own without me?! I like how Poe gets a face-to-face meeting so you can borrow his droid, but I'm not worth even that much! Haven't I proved that I'm capable of—"

"Finn!" Rey _really _wanted to get to the point before anyone else showed up. "I promise I'll let you yell at me all you want later, but there _is_ a reason I wanted to meet you here!"

Finn frowned, more out of stubbornness than disapproval or hurt. Yet. "Sure," he said. "It couldn't be because you missed me."

She tried to remind herself that she had expected this level of difficulty and that she usually had much more patience—and that, again, he had every right to be this upset.

"Finn," she sighed, putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing emphatically. "I did. Of _course_, I did. But I didn't want to return until—look—just—come inside, will you?"

* * *

Finn mutely shook his head, his lips pressed into a tight line.

"Finn—"

He was already walking out of the cockpit.

"Finn!" Rey cried in exasperation.

Damn it!

Without turning to so much as look at her, he held up a hand and gave his head a second shake. It was all shades of unfair. He'd spent approximately _two seconds _with—

"You didn't even talk to him!" Rey protested. BB-8 echoed the sentiment but with decidedly more sarcasm. If it hadn't been so dire to get Finn to come back, she would have spared the little droid her most formidable Look.

Not that it would have done much good. BB-8 was more or less immune to Rey's ire, and he gave as good as he got and then some. If it hadn't kept her going when the worst, when defeat, when the pits of despair had all but eaten her up from the inside and consumed her, there might have been a few instances where he found himself floating in space… waiting on some estimated coordinates from Rey to Poe to retrieve the sphere of sass before a solar wind wiped out his circuits or some other horrid thing happened to him.

When moments had gotten particularly bad, Rey had passed the time inventing scenarios for him. BB-8 had always dared her to try. It turned out he was faster at getting to the _Falcon's _command inputs than she was. Sneaky bugger. She could still clearly recall him warding her off with an extended arm, ready to zap, beeping furiously while she held her hands up in surrender.

He had promised Poe he wouldn't let her die, he'd told her. He hadn't promised him he wouldn't give her electroshock therapy. Rey had sneered she hadn't promised she wouldn't run BB-8 through with her lightsaber, either, but some things were meant to remain unspoken.

BB-8 had drawn back sharply in offense.

And so a new pact had been forged. BB-8 would tone down the snark if Rey would cease involving BB-8 in revenge fantasies.

Gods, Rey thought. When was the last time she had had _real_, reciprocated, _human _interaction before today? And it was walking out on her.

She jogged to keep up. "Finn!"

The worst-case scenario happened. Well, one of them.

Oh, no, no, _no_…

Poe abruptly showed up, his handsome, rugged features breaking into a broad smile at the sight of Rey. "Hey! I saw the _Falcon_, and I thought I'd drop in! Where's my droid?" He caught sight of Finn's face. "I—… nooo?" His lips turned downward. "What's going on?"

Rey opened her mouth, but Finn got there first.

"Oh, go check out the cockpit," Finn said, eager to brush his hands of the whole matter. "That'll tell you everything you need to know, man."

Rey exhaled and pressed a fist to her forehead, knocking it lightly a few times and refraining—barely—from landing a kick to the nearest wall. She knew from experience that it would make her toes numb for a few hours.

"…Okay…" Poe's frown deepened. He stepped around them. BB-8 rolled after his master.

"Poe, wait!" Rey yelled. She hadn't had a chance to warn him, to explain.

_Damn _it!

Predictably, a moment later, his shout could be heard from the depths of the cockpit.

Mother of choobies.

"What the fuck—!"

* * *

"We _won_!" Poe said for the fifth time. He was having trouble getting his head around the concept of what, _who_, was sitting in the co-pilot's seat. Rey was doing her hardest to continue to be understanding—she _was_—but she hadn't asked him to be here. She had asked Finn. The patience she had groped for outside the _Falcon_ was fraying.

"Yes," she said, her hands on her hips. She was so… tired suddenly, and she cricked her neck. "I'm aware."

Finn stood off to the side, his arms folded, his eyes glued to the Problem.

"_Are _you?! Are you really?!" Poe countered. He had a finger pointed in her face, and he thrust it in the "problem's" direction. "Because _if you did_, he wouldn't be sitting here right now!"

"Are you going to let me explain or keep yelling at me?" Rey asked him. Because… yes, really.

Poe stared at Finn in disbelief.

"Hey, man, I don't want _any _part of this," Finn warned him, in case he hadn't made that super obvious.

"Then why are you here?" Poe scoffed.

"Because you called me in here. So, like… can I go now?"

"Finn!" Rey and Poe exclaimed.

"It's not freaking either of you out that all you've done is try and rip each other's heads off and all _he's _done is sit there and kept staring at… what, exactly, all creepily?!" Finn gestured. "Hell! No! I want out of here! Let's go!"

"Not without an explanation," Poe growled.

"Oh, _now _you want one," Rey laughed, ready to throttle him.

Poe Dameron and Rey Skywalker, knowing how to instantly push one another's buttons instinctively, right on schedule.

"You're damn straight I do! You vanish for months, keep Finn and I worried to death, and now you show up with Kylo Ren! We _won _the war, Rey!"

Oh, for the love of—!

"So you've _said_, Poe! If only I had a recording! Perhaps the people in the Unknowns haven't received the message!"

"He's supposed to be _dead_! What did you _do_?! Why is he _here_?!"

"You wouldn't understand!" She paced the small space she had allotted in front of him. She loved Poe dearly. She did. But she had spoken the truth. He had never understood her like Finn, like Leia, had.

"Oh, and Finn will?!" Poe countered, seemingly reading her thoughts.

"Finn is staying out of this," Finn muttered. "Because Finn wants nothing to do with this. But is anyone listening to Finn…?"

"Why is he like that?" Poe demanded. He flung a hand at Ben again, who, so far, Rey had managed to avoid gazing directly at. "Huh?" Poe brought the edge of his left hand down onto his right palm, stressing one of his now favorite questions, "What did you _do_, Rey?"

BB-8 chirruped.

"Harmless?" Ever the skeptic, Poe put his fists on his hips, and his eyebrows flew nearly to his hairline. "_Harmless_? Kylo Ren is—?"

The orange and white droid extended his electrical arm as he rolled over to Ben, forcing Poe to step away from Rey, and poked the former Knight of Ren and Supreme Leader of the First Order directly in the leg. There was a zap.

"BB-8!" Rey scolded as Poe and Finn shouted and leapt out of the way, clearly prepared for Ben to do something similar, but with more fury. "I told you to quit that!"

BB-8 gave Ben a few more jolt-prods to demonstrate his point to the standing men.

"Stop it!" she cried.

The droid retracted his arm and whistled.

Smugly.

Ben continued to gaze in the vicinity of the switchboard, for all intents and purposes sleeping while awake.

After a long, long moment, in which no one said anything, Poe leaned forward and snapped his fingers in front of Ben's eyes. Ben blinked slowly, yet it was evident to all gathered it had nothing to do with the general who was still clearing out remnants of the First Order from the far reaches of the galaxy. Rey buried her face in her hands and then prayed for strength. The latter was all she had done lately. She hadn't gotten a decent night's rest in… who knew? Maybe when she had first retrieved Ben? Before… before he had continued to stay like _this_…

"What's, uh… what's wrong with him?" Poe asked as he slowly straightened.

"I don't know," Rey breathed. She fell into the pilot's seat, her eyes tracing over Ben's features. She had memorized them, not from love—though that was part of it—but because she had spent so much time pleading with him to say anything, _do_ anything.

BB-8 offered his opinion with a few beeps.

Finn blinked. He swung his head to Rey. "The priestesses at the Wellspring of Life said this was a possibility? Rey? What's he talking about?"

"I believe he may be referring to the passage Rey had me transfer from one of Master Luke's ancient Jedi texts," a new voice offered.

Poe groaned quietly, rubbing above his brow. "You had _3PO _help you? Of course, you did…"

Rey smiled weakly at the golden droid who had appeared in the cockpit's threshold. She lifted one hand in greeting.

"Hello, Rey. I see that the overwhelmingly poor odds did not deter you. It is good that you survived. I told R2 that you would not. I can appreciate when I am wrong, despite what he thinks, in cases such as this."

At least _someone _was happy to see her.

If only it could have been Ben, she thought morosely.

"Coming here was a mistake," she said, her throat tight. "I thought…" But she smiled wistfully at her friends. "It doesn't matter what I thought." They couldn't help her, after all. Ben hadn't stirred. "I'll have to do this on my own. I should get out of here before anyone else notices we're here."

Poe and Finn were her friends, Finn understanding her the most, and their reaction to Ben's presence had been… well, she didn't want to imagine anyone else's. So few people knew Kylo Ren had redeemed himself, or if they did, they didn't care. All they could see were the millions of lives he had taken, and Rey couldn't blame them.

It was time to go.

"Thanks for letting me take BB-8," Rey said. "I… I'm not sure I would have made it without him."

To her surprise, and before anyone could say a word, the droid in question chirped loudly in protest. He wheeled behind Rey's legs and stayed there. He couldn't leave her, he said. Rey needed him more than Poe did. He wasn't ready to return yet.

"BB-8!" Rey sputtered.

Poe could have said a lot of things. That BB-8 was his droid and therefore belonged at his side. That BB-8 had been gone more than long enough, that Poe _did _need him. That BB-8 didn't need to get involved in whatever Rey had gotten herself mixed up in. Rey saw all of it in his eyes and more.

But then Poe sighed. "He's always had a mind of his own. It's up to Rey, buddy."

Rey hadn't wanted to cry.

Tears filmed her vision and made it blurry, anyway.

At this, Poe and Finn had the grace to find other things to look at, and they sat in the remaining two seats of the cockpit. Poe dismissed C-3PO, who didn't go easily, and Rey stared out at the sandy landscape of the planet while her throat stayed tight and refused to cooperate with her. She thought it may have been the first time she had gotten emotional like this since she had left the Wellspring, and BB-8 gave a low whistle and pressed to her legs more firmly. She reached down and idly pressed her palm to the top of his head, avoiding his antenna.

"Rey," Finn said softly. His warm hand closed over her shoulder. When she didn't respond, he clutched her left hand. A moment later, Poe had her right one. She closed her eyes, and hot tears escaped the fringe of her lashes and streaked her cheeks.

"Maybe… maybe we were being harsh." Poe had to work to get the words out. Both men had their own history with Kylo Ren, suffering at his hands, watching others suffer, losing loved ones, losing Leia.

"Yeah," Finn agreed. "But… we're here now. Close the hatch so no one can come on board and talk to us. Maybe over some dejarik?" He squeezed her fingers. "We promise we won't cheat like Chewie."

Rey found herself laughing through her tears.

Laughter.

Another thing she hadn't done in so long.

She smiled and nodded, freeing herself of their grip so that she could scrub her face of the sticky tears and sniffle. Her cheeks felt cool in their wake.

"Okay," she warbled.

"That's our girl." Poe tugged her to her feet. He hesitated. "You sure it's safe to leave… _him_ here?"

Both men cast a wary glance at Ben.

Rey had dressed him in black, the colors he liked, with the clothes she had prepared on her journey to the Wellspring. She had hoped they would fit—they were a little loose, but it was better than the opposite. And she had taken care to clean him, to comb his hair, to keep him warm. That was why he had the blanket around him. Even in this heat, his skin was cold. Not icy, not by any means. But… not the temperature she wanted it to be. She supposed she might have been fussing over him too much, nothing more, but it was because she couldn't recall what his skin had felt like before this.

Everything had always been so hectic.

What was most striking, though she had gotten used to it by now, was the lack of scars on his body. The one on his face, in particular, and part of his neck that she had put there on Starkiller Base, the night he had murdered his father.

She hadn't started to completely lose her mind yet. She would only do that, she thought, if she couldn't feel him in the bond that tied them together any longer.

"Rey?" Finn prompted gently.

"Yes," she murmured. She soothed Ben's bangs off his forehead. They fell back into place. He didn't so much as twitch at the touch.

She bit back a sigh and made herself smile at her boys.

"Let's go play that game of dejarik, then."

She pressed a button on the panel to ensure no one could board the _Falcon_, and they left the cockpit.

* * *

"Maybe you should tell me about how it's going on your end, first," Rey suggested once they were seated around the dejarik table.

"Oh, no, no, no," Poe said. "There's no getting out of it now. You wanted our attention, you have it."

"Well," Rey said with a small smile. "I wanted _Finn's _attention…"

Poe placed a hand over his heart like he'd been shot, but he was grinning.

"Yeah, all right, all right…" Finn kicked Poe under the table and gave him a look. Rey pretended not to notice. Poe and Rey both knew Poe's flirting was harmless, but Finn sometimes forgot himself and the fact that he hadn't ever—well… confessed… to Rey, if that was what he had been planning on telling her ages ago in the tar pits.

Rey wasn't oblivious.

She wanted to be.

Finn was her best friend.

But that was all he would ever be.

She had had hopes for a blossoming relationship with Rose, except it hadn't ever gone anywhere.

"I don't know where to start," Rey admitted, slumping in the booth.

Poe braced an arm on the table. "How about the beginning?" The words were a bit wise-ass, but they were also soft, coaxing Rey to open up. She stared into his eyes for a moment, and then shifted her gaze to Finn, who nodded with a similar expression and brought both arms to rest on the table. He reached across the holograms of the dejarik players and gripped her wrist.

"We can all pretend you didn't fuck up with whatever's going on in there," he said, his tone serious but his eyebrows raised to show he was also joking. "But we know you meant well. So go ahead. Let's hear it. The Wellspring of Life came out of the Jedi texts, and C-3PO was able to translate it safely, and Kylo is _back_… so it can't be that bad, right? Whatever happened? And, I mean, it's called the _Wellspring of Life_…"

"Finn, you gonna let her talk or what?" Poe asked.

Finn shot him a glare, but Rey was laughing again. She smiled fondly at them.

Then she puffed her cheeks together and exhaled, dropping her hands to her lap and peering up at the ceiling of the _Falcon_. Oof, and maybe she shouldn't have. It was only making her see more things that needed to be worked on. It was a good thing she loved this bucket of junk.

"Finn, you mentioned my depression when I got here," she murmured. "About how the shock wore off."

"Yeah…"

_Rey smiled and turned with BB-8 to look at the setting suns of Tatooine, the Skywalker twins' lightsabers buried in the sand behind her. It wasn't until those suns had touched the horizon and darkness had descended, the wind whistling hollowly through the abandoned homestead beside her, that she realized she had been crying silently. _

"I—I got to a place beyond consolation… I trained, thinking I could make peace with the Force and learn to ignore the… the hole his absence left inside of me—"

_Hours of meditation that only ended with Rey's screams and floating rocks flying across the clearing of her glen to smash into trees. The thick, ancient beings trembled from the strength of it, and Rey tried to gather her breath and remember who she was now, that she _must _find a way to contain her grief, her anger. _

"It wasn't working. I was only reminded more and more that I was a Palpatine, no matter whose last name I had taken for myself. I wanted to remake myself, but how could I do that when…?" Rey studied flickering holograms for a long moment.

_Where was he?! Where was he, where was he, where was he?! _

_He was one with the Force, he had died that way! _

_So where was he?! _

_Why wouldn't he speak to her?!_

"Well… I reached out to Master Luke, to… to anyone, really." She shook her head, only seeing fragments of memory. "They told me he wasn't ready. To see me. I asked when he would be, but they couldn't answer me. They told me I had to learn to be strong without him. So I trained some more."

A wry smile touched the corner of her mouth, and she looked up to see that her friends were riveted. She tried not to notice the pity. "That worked about as well as the first time. I began to plead with Master Luke every night. And then, finally… finally—Ben showed up…" Rey bit her lip, her thoughts turning toward the man in the cockpit.

Poe shifted, clearing his throat. "He did?"

"He said… he said he felt my pain…" She swallowed. It hurt. "He said he had been staying away to let me heal. But that it was clear I wasn't healing at all."

_Rey could hardly believe her eyes. She scrambled upright, the night sky stretched above her, and nearly ran straight through the fire she had going in her effort to stand before him. He was here! He was here, he was here, he was here—_

"So if I wanted, there was something in the Jedi texts that would help me—help… bring him back to me, if I was willing to go through the journey…" Rey dropped her elbows onto the table and put her face in her hands. "And I was—I was willing to go through the journey… I _did_… that's what doesn't make sense… what doesn't make any sense… He _told _me to do it—he told me it would be all right… so then why—why is he…? Why won't he…?"

"Rey?" Finn slid beside her in the booth to put his arm over her shoulders.

"I did everything that was asked of me—I did everything _right_… but _he's _not right… he won't—he won't _speak_, he won't—_respond _to anything, he just… you've seen him!" Rey dropped her hands to stare at both of her friends. "I don't know what to do anymore! And it's not like I can call to his Force ghost again! He's _alive_!"

She slammed her palm onto the table, furious. "He's _alive_! He's alive, and he's _here_, and something is wrong, and I can't fix it!"

"Maybe go back to the Wellspring?" Finn suggested.

Rey shook her head almost violently. "That is _not _an option."

"Uh… Why not? Did you do something bad—?"

"No, it's not like that—look, it's just more complicated than I can explain right now—"

"Then slow down and tell us what happened—"

"I've _told _you what happened!"

"_No_, you said you had to go to the Wellspring of Life, which you still haven't even explained what _that_ is, and that you got him back, but you haven't—"

BB-8 shrilled into the room as if all his circuits were on fire.

"WHAT?!" Rey shoved Finn out of the seat and dove across the corridors of the _Falcon_.

"Rey! Slow down!" Poe shouted.

She couldn't.

If BB-8 had spoken the truth—

She made it to the cockpit, nearly tripping over herself, and there he was, Ben. He was standing, his gaze alert, if a little lost, and when he saw Rey, he…

He…

He frowned.

"You brought me back," he said slowly, and then his knees were wobbling, and he caught himself on the control panel on the way to the floor. Rey rushed over to him, to help him back into the co-pilot's chair.

He weakly slapped her hands away.

"Ben?" she whispered.

"You brought me _back_," he said more firmly.

"Yes…" she breathed. "I did, I—"

His eyes weren't angry.

No, they were just incredibly sad when he asked her the one word that shattered her heart and sent her mind spiraling into confusion.

"_Why_?"


	2. Hope

_**Author's Notes… **_

I'm not used to writing longer chapters, so it may have come sooner. Who knows! Thanks for everyone who commented last chapter! I've got some new readers and some of my dedicated ones! I'm super excited to see both!

* * *

_**Come Back to Me**_

**Chapter Two**

Mysteries

The small market town of Cheepwa was close-by, a mere morning's hike away the home Rey had established a handful of days ago. She tossed an apple up and down, listening to bird chatter as she walked the worn path through the woods, BB-8 roaming beside her, keeping up a steady stream of chitchat to rival the animals. When she smiled at the thought, he thankfully didn't notice. They were busy composing a list for what they would need to eat for the next few days, and BB-8, while he didn't need human food, bragged often about his perfect memory. There was no need for paper if BB-8 was around. It would save the environment. It would—

She tuned out and channeled the Force along their surroundings out of habit, ensuring they were all right.

The forest was dense, yet it was thinning out the closer they got to the market. The path that had been established many years ago only went around the island—they were on a chain—and not up the steep climb that eventually led to where Rey's cottage was. What little Rey knew about the inhabitants of the island was that they were a suspicious people, and they worshipped the sacred mountain that crowned the forest… which also meant her home was safe and wouldn't be disturbed.

Dirt gave way to white stone worn at by salty air, and an entirely different sort of bird called to its brethren far above. The market was part of a village of small sea shacks, and it spiraled down a cliff to docks where boats were harbored, currently swaying in the tide coming in. Rey's hair played around her face despite her attempts to keep it up, stubborn strands enjoying the path the wind was taking.

In the distance, she could make out the next island—sort of. It was covered in fog and had been since she had arrived on this planet.

BB-8 bumped into her legs to grab her attention. She blinked.

He was asking if the market people were going to be as hostile as they were the other day. They had seen Rey's ship land near the mountain, and they hadn't liked her coming out of the forest. Rey reminded BB-8 of the phrases they had researched within BB-8's databanks that had been (reluctantly) uploaded from C-3PO to appease the people and get them comfortable to her presence. It had been 3PO's suggestion for this planet, after all.

BB-8 beeped warily and said that maybe she shouldn't have left her quarterstaff and lightsaber at home.

"They're _unarmed_," Rey replied.

Two things happened as she stepped forward into the bustling market.

The wind blew her hood off her head, and Ben was suddenly standing in front of her, the bond clicking neatly into place.

She stared.

And stared.

Reminded herself to breathe.

The people of the market were distrustful enough, so she moved over to the cliffside, facing the ocean. Once she was sure her back was to them, she returned her attention to the man in front of her.

Ben frowned, grabbing the apple out of her hand. Though she couldn't see his environment, she knew he was standing in the cottage somewhere. There were sleep lines on his face from the pillow of the bed. His hair was sticking up in a few places. She desperately wanted to comb it. Her now empty fingers twitched and curled in on themselves.

"You're awake," she said, savoring every moment of the connection like it was her life's blood. She hadn't been sure she'd ever feel it again. Not since they'd faced off together against her grandfather—

"Where are we?" he asked, studying the green skin of the apple.

"You've been asleep for three days," she went on, her throat a little tight and her lashes a little wet. "You…" She shifted. "You woke up briefly, and then passed out. We're on a planet called Arabii. I'm—there's a market. I went to get us food. I'll hurry—"

"No," he said.

She swallowed, and it honestly felt like razors going down her throat. "N-No?"

"Take your time. I need to think."

He was gone before she had the chance to say anything else.

She watched the white foam of the ocean. She needed a moment to get her emotions under control.

BB-8 was furious.

It took her a moment to notice, and when she did, he let out a stream of beeps and whistles. Her apple! Kylo Ren had taken her _apple_! Like it was nothing! Rey was _hungry_! She deserved to eat! She had gone through so much for him, and the only appreciation he could muster was to steal her food?! Maybe he needed to be prodded again, a couple of jolts should do the job—

"When did you get so bloodthirsty?" Rey asked him.

BB-8 twittered some more.

"That's true…" she said slowly. "I suppose you _have _killed an awful lot of bad people…" She turned away from the cliff and started to walk back to the market, giving the small droid the appreciative glance he was looking for. "You're right, BB-8. You're a proper sidekick. You don't get nearly enough credit, do you?"

He whistled.

"Don't worry about the apple," she told him, though she was touched by how upset he was on her behalf. "I'm really not that hungry." Not anymore, anyway.

_That_, BB-8 said, wasn't the point.

It was the principle of the thing.

* * *

Rey hated leaving Ben alone at the cottage.

But what else was she supposed to do?

She wanted to see him. She wanted to put her hands in his hair and finally, fully _rejoice _in the fact that he was alive, kissing him all the while. Thinking of their one and only kiss always brought pain with it—the sight of his sweet smile before he had died… It haunted her dreams. She needed new memories.

"Yes, I know," she said to a distraught droid. "The phrases don't seem to be doing anything, but they recognize _money_." Rey slung the produce into the bag she'd taken with her. "And they're poor enough to accept it." Even _if _they were giving her dirty looks behind her back when they thought she wasn't looking, muttering under their breaths and making some sort of religious gestures.

He chirruped.

"No, I don't_ want_ to go to another planet."

BB-8 protested that Ben was awake now.

And that the sea salt was going to make him rust.

Rey laughed at him in spite of herself. "You are not going to rust. You're so dramatic." BB-8 pointed out an apple at a fruit stall while he retorted heatedly. It was the very same stall that had supplied the apple the other day that Ben had stolen. "_I'm _dramatic? Well… I do have my moments, I suppose."

She wondered who spent this much time talking to a droid, never-mind compromising so much with one.

But for a long time, BB-8 had been her only means of communication, and after nineteen, now nearly twenty years of isolation, Rey found she couldn't do it anymore. Not after having been introduced to so many people and then…

"Do you and Poe ever talk this much?" she asked him, inhaling the sweet scent of the fruit as they walked away from the stall.

BB-8 gave a droid chirp of a shrug.

"Is it a man thing? They just don't have much to say?"

Now he did the equivalent of rolling his eyes.

Whistle _bwoop_.

"That's true. Finn talks more than anyone." She paused, then stopped in the street and frowned down at him. "Wait, are you saying I talk too much?"

BB-8 rolled around her legs. She kneeled, her grocery bag bumping against her side. The droid came to a stop, and he looked up at her for a long moment in a way that made her have to bow her head, and droids weren't even capable of expressions.

"BB-8, you can't look after me forever…" she whispered at length.

He beeped that he could try.

She began to smile sadly, only to hesitate. She looked to her left.

Ben was sitting down. On the edge of the bed? He had his hands in his lap, and his shirt exposed his collarbone from where it was a little too big. His eyes were focused on his fingers. He was more kempt now, his hair damp from what would have been a very cold bath. It was so good to see him that every piece of her ached.

"I didn't do this on purpose," she said softly. "I'm giving you space."

"I know," he murmured. "It's not something we ever learned to control."

Not well, anyway. He had mastered it far better than she had.

"…I don't have any scars," he said, and her heart caught in her throat when his eyes met hers. They were so brown, lighter than usual. He must have pulled the curtains back on the window near the bed to let the sun in.

She didn't know what to say, so she said nothing at all, watching him hungrily, her fingers so tight around the strap to the grocery bag that she could feel them tingling from loss of circulation. She made herself examine the market stall nearest her instead. The people of Arabii were tall, with thick, purple flesh and golden eyes. They dressed in light, breezy garb that would protect them from the weather while also keeping them cool. The ones farthest from Rey didn't have bodies screaming with tension.

They were a peaceful people. They would leave her alone if she left them alone.

It was what had made this place seem so perfect.

And now Ben was awake…

"Do you remember anything?" she asked him. "Do you remember what you told me to do?"

"I remember dying," he said. "I remember being at peace with the Force."

When the link disconnected, Rey buried her face in her hands, her elbows on her knees. BB-8 leaned against her. He didn't need to know what had happened to pick up on the fact that she was, once again, terribly sad.

* * *

"He doesn't remember telling me to bring him back," Rey said as she made her way back with BB-8 through the forest to the cottage. She climbed over some ancient roots that sprawled the length of the vicinity. She took a small rest against a tree trunk, raising her canteen for water, lifting her eyes to the tree branches swaying above them.

BB-8 remained silent.

"Right," she muttered. "I don't know why, either."

It was a steep climb, and she had a lot to keep her mind busy. She could have used the Force to hasten the journey—used it as an exercise to help with the more physical aspect of her training that she had been neglecting lately. Ben, however, had wanted "time to think." There was, she estimated, another hour until she made it home. It wasn't much time in the grand scheme of things, no. It _was _what she could give him.

What if she was wrong about her hypothesis? She thought the chance was slim. It wouldn't make any sense, she reasoned. Ben… why would he have told her where to bring his body back, how to restore their dyad in the Force, if he hadn't wanted her to? She tried to remember specifically what his expression had been when he'd given her the information. It had been clues… not the exact answer itself… But he hadn't seemed _disapproving_.

_Well, what _did _he seem like? _she asked herself. Far too late.

In the end, she decided that he hadn't been against her returning him to life. Vague, perhaps, but not discouraging.

Something had gone wrong somewhere.

She hadn't tried to contact Master Luke about it—any of the masters. She wasn't entirely certain she had _their _approval, and she was afraid to find out. It would be far easier to face their wrath, or their great disappointment, if she had Ben on her side. If Ben was by her side, she could do anything. If he wasn't, then this had all been for nothing.

Only BB-8 knew—

He twittered that she was doing it again.

"Doing what?" she replied innocently, balancing on a log over a small ravine, a stream bubbling underneath. BB-8 was right behind her, not worried about his weight. This would mark the forth time he had traversed it without so much as a wobble from the tree, as it was the second time they had made the trip to the market.

A few quick steps, one in front of the other, and she was on the other side with a small hop. BB-8 thunked heavily a moment later. Twigs cracked under him as they resumed their stroll.

She knew what, he said.

He rolled on ahead, leaving her to sigh, a frustrated smile on her face. "Come back—"

"Who do you keep talking to?"

Rey's heart fluttered. Her eyes closed.

She still hadn't grown used to Ben's voice, or the sight of him, _alert_, animated, if not… distant.

"Ah—BB-8," she said. _The droid you interrogated me over? _She almost asked it as a joke. Her humor was running dark these days. Something told her he wouldn't appreciate it, not like this. "He's… my companion."

Ben was standing again. His eyes pierced hers. "Is anyone else with you?"

Rey continued walking, quiet for a long moment. Her heart was pounding. It wasn't in the good way. She didn't know why.

"That's a no," he said.

"Why do you want to know?" she muttered. It was another mystery. No one else was around. There was no need to be so hushed.

"Because I made a lot of enemies," he replied, and her heart calmed down. She closed her eyes in a long blink. She had been afraid… he might do something stupid and reckless. Like take his life. He wasn't himself right now, and she genuinely didn't know what to expect. "I want to make sure it's safe."

"It's—it's safe," she assured him. She pinched her fingers over her closed eyes briefly, feeling a momentary wave of exhaustion. She hadn't slept much in three days, but it would be all right. She had gone longer than this before. When she had first gotten Ben back, and he wouldn't respond to anything… and she was afraid to move, to breathe, like she would lose him the moment she did…

"How far away are you?" he asked.

She tried to guard her heart—to not let hope stir within it. He sounded like he cared.

"Not too far," she replied, keeping her eyes on the trees. "I'm not sure how long I've been walking. When was the last time we talked?"

"…I'm not sure, either," he said. "I wasn't paying attention. I've been thinking."

The lump in Rey's throat wouldn't allow her to speak.

"Why aren't you looking at me?"

_I'm afraid of what I'll see. _

She was alone again except for the wildlife and wherever BB-8 had disappeared to. She sniffled and wiped at her eyes, not slowing her pace. She hadn't wanted to close their connection first—at least, not for a long time. She was worried about him, about his wellbeing. The idea of pushing him out of her head and then finding out later something had happened to him was agony. But his face was so closed off to her. Even when he'd been at his angriest with her, she could tell everything he was thinking.

Whatever was going on, though, she had to get her emotions under control. Ben was back. That was what was most important. She could figure things out as they went. He wouldn't be upset with her forever. He couldn't. _He _had told her to do this. They would get to the bottom of it.

Rey gave herself the rest of the hike to prepare herself for the distant Ben. Well, as much as she could. They were a dyad in the Force. She had gone through hell to bring him back, all because she couldn't cope with the fact that he'd been gone. It wasn't going to be easy dealing with the fact that he wanted space.

But space she would give him.

The cottage loomed ahead. BB-8 was waiting for her.

Rey didn't know who had held the place before her arrival. Some hermit? It was worn down, and the ceiling leaked in places. But, at some point, it had been taken care of. The remnants of garden beds were strewn here and there, and a well was nearby. Inside, the place was dusty with very little furniture. Rey couldn't tell if it was because the person had moved or simply died out here so long ago and the place had been looted. Or maybe she—Rey had made them a she in her hypotheticals—hadn't wanted to collect much on her path of life.

"Have I mentioned it's become evident that I need to be around other people?" Rey asked the small droid.

He protested that he was a person in a series of clicks and beeps.

She chuckled and readjusted the strap of groceries on her shoulder. "Have you imagined a life for the individual who used to live here?"

No… BB-8 whistled.

"I thought not," Rey said. She went to the well to fill up canteens. "Do you mind going inside and letting Ben know we're home?" He would know—he always knew when Rey was near, and she didn't think that had changed, based on how their dyad in the Force had resumed functioning like before. That didn't mean she didn't want to buy herself a few more moments of time.

The circular droid smacked into her legs. When she stumbled to the side, he let off a diatribe of heated shrieks.

"What?!" she retorted. "I—_no_! I'm not _foisting _him off on you! I—yes, I _know _it's _my _journey! BB-8, don't be ridiculous, he's not going to hurt you! He's _not_!"

BB-8 wheeled away, still telling her off, headed into the forest.

"The cottage is _that _way!" she yelled after him.

She sighed and hung her head, bracing her palms on the edge of the well, stone digging into her flesh.

Droids.

She picked up the canteens he had made her drop, finished filling them up, made sure the grocery bag was in order, and stepped into the cottage.

"Ben?" she called as the smell of musk greeted her nose. She had left some of the windows open off and on over the last few days to try and air the place out. It hadn't worked very well. "I've got… food. And water."

No answer.

Because he wasn't in the cottage.

She tried not to panic and was glad she didn't when she found him in the _Falcon_.

"Thinking about taking off?" she asked, watching him play with controls from the pilot's seat. She kept a careful distance by the threshold.

"Not without you," he murmured.

"…Do you want to come inside?" she ventured. "There's food—"

"I'm not hungry."

"Right, because you stole my apple."

"Was that what that was?" He made a small, impressed face, occupied as he was by… whatever it was he was doing. Meticulously checking his father's control panel? He'd be here forever.

Rey decided to rip the bandage of awkwardness off and threw herself into the co-pilot's seat, facing him. "You really don't remember talking to me? Telling me to… to retrieve you?" It was… odd, almost. Being this close to him while they weren't—fighting. But not in a bad way. No, it was only… different. It was a different she wanted to get used to it.

He shook his head.

And then, slowly, "It doesn't mean I don't believe you."

"But you're upset with me." She tried not to sound defeated.

He let out a long breath and then finally looked at her. She looked back.

What she wanted more than anything was to go to him.

But the last time she had tried to touch him, he'd brushed her off.

"Do you understand why?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"I was at peace with the Force—"

"Ben, I—I didn't ask you to _save me_," Rey replied, reaching across the small space between them to grab his hand. She held on tightly. "I'm grateful. I'm so grateful. But I knew what I was giving up when I went against Palpatine. And when I spoke to you after—you weren't upset. You told me how to find you. Now you're—"

"And I was a Force ghost?" he interrupted. He let her have his hand, and after a moment, his fingers curled around hers. Warmth spread quickly through her. She had to remember how to breathe.

"Yes," she said.

He furrowed his brows. It was so good to see him making expressions again. Rey had to blink hard.

"…I don't remember," he said to the outside view of the cockpit. "I remember being a part of the Force, but not… manifesting like that. Before I collapsed, I saw Dameron and FN—"

"Finn."

He paused and then nodded. "…Finn," he amended. "Do they know we're here?"

She let go of him to wrap her arms around herself and wonder what that spot on her boot was. Tree moss?

"We can't stay here," he said, the words lacking any heat. It made tension unknot from her shoulders. "I'm not worried about your friends." The way he said that, and so honestly, was odd to Rey, until it occurred to her that maybe being a part of the Force had lingered. Ben had redeemed himself in the end, yes, but years of being on the dark side would make it difficult to immediately trust the people who had ample reason to hate you.

"You're worried about your enemies?" Rey clarified.

"I have a lot." He leaned back fully in the chair. "But I know somewhere we can go."

"…And then we can talk?" Rey asked softly.

He met her eyes.

Rey swallowed.

After holding her gaze for long enough to make her heart stop, he nodded and rose to his feet.

"Come on. I know you have some things to pack."

"Is it strange?" she asked him, not quite standing yet. She didn't trust her knees to hold her. "Being on your father's ship?"

He didn't answer her.

But the slight tremble to his lips as he left the cockpit told her enough.

* * *

BB-8 was furious. Again.

"Really? You're not going anywhere?" Rey snorted and folded her arms. "I thought you'd rust here."

The orange and white sphere kindly informed her that they had both agreed that sometimes the two of them had a flare for drama.

"Oh, you mean like right now?"

_Fweeee fwoooop_.

"Excuse me?!"

_Bwip phoooo beep bwoo_.

"No one asked you to come! You invited yourself!" Fed up with this, Rey left BB-8 in the cottage and lugged her baggage with her toward the _Falcon _across the clearing packed with cobbles cracked with weeds. It was the front yard, and more forgotten gardens graced its edges in what would have once made a delicate circle.

BB-8 whistled entirely too smugly and snarkily for her tastes.

"You think far too highly of yourself!"

"I didn't think anyone could remind me of C-3PO and R2-D2, but I was wrong," said an amused voice.

"You take that back!" Rey and BB-8 snapped at the same time in Basic and droid.

Ben laughed, and Rey's ire melted away. He reached forward, taking some of the luggage out of her hands. She let him, her heart arrested in her chest. She could see it so clearly, the smile that had been painted on his face… so open, so carefree… He was here, and for just this moment, he wasn't angry—and he was being open and carefree again…

"So it's you I should be thanking for taking care of her?" Ben was saying.

Rey blinked. They had left her behind, already boarding the ramp to the _Falcon_.

She hurried after them, just in time to catch BB-8's answering whistle that sounded a lot like, "Of course."

"I can take care of myself!" Rey huffed.

When Ben laughed softly again, she was two things: hopeful and afraid.

He had already proven he didn't remember being a Force ghost and that he hadn't, as of now, wanted to be brought back. But he seemed like he might be accepting the latter…?

_Please_, she prayed.

_I need him so much. _

_Please. _

Their talk couldn't come soon enough.


End file.
